The Nutcracker
by E Salvatore
Summary: Stranger Stefan Salvatore adds a certain edge to Elena Gilbert's annual Christmas party, and it isn't long before he becomes a stranger no more. But all good things must end and on Christmas, Elena is left with a unique parting gift and a promise.
1. Chapter 1

**THE NUTCRACKER**

**Summary : Stranger Stefan Salvatore adds a certain edge to Elena Gilbert's annual Christmas party, and it isn't long before he becomes a stranger no more. But all good things must end and on Christmas morning, Elena is left with a unique parting gift and a promise.**

**Disclaimer : Sweet child, you and I both know that if I owned Stefan Salvatore, I wouldn't be here, alone, writing on my laptop.**

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><p><strong>The Nutcracker<strong>

**One : Baby, It's Cold Outside**

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><p>"<em>Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."<em>

Elena Gilbert sings under her breath, unable to help herself. She's been doing it all night now but really – who would blame her? Everyone's decked out in their festive best, holiday treats in hand, gifts under a huge tree she'd spent hours decorating and holiday carols floating across the large mansion her parents had left her after their untimely demise.

It's been years now but she's never truly gotten over it, and knows, logically, that she probably never will. But this was their favorite place and their favorite time of the year, and so she keeps the Gilbert tradition alive with a huge party every year, if only to fight off the impending loneliness that sets in anyway once everyone's gone.

But it helps, the presence of her best friends and those select few newcomers she deems worthy of an invitation, and so she drinks it all in, memorizes the smallest of details to obsess over when the mansion becomes too quite and her heart starts screaming – blood-curdling, rip-your-heart-out screams that leave every single part of her cold and shaken and lonely. But this year, it will be different.

This year, she will smile and actually be fine when everyone leaves.

This year, she will open her gifts on Christmas and immerse herself in a world of thoughtful presents.

This year, she will reach out and make everything better.

And all of those plans go straight out of the window the minute her best friend, Bonnie Bennett, drags in a stranger with an adorably shy smile and familiar eyes.

Familiar eyes that are only familiar because they echo the dull pain in hers.

* * *

><p>"Bonnie!" Elena smiles, her little red dress hiking up slightly as she reaches out to embrace her closest friend, the only family member she has left in this world, besides Jeremy and Caroline.<p>

"Elena!" Bonnie squeals, throwing her arms around the brunette. It is only when she is released from the tight hug that she notices the additional party guest. Her eyes lock onto his and she is lost for good in those deep orbs, ones that tell her she isn't alone in her misery; that he sees right through her charade.

Following an unusual silence, Bonnie immediately speaks up, trying to play – what, peacemaker? Matchmaker? "Elena, meet Stefan Salvatore, a friend. Stefan, here's our hostess, Elena Gilbert."

The petite woman waits for a flurry of handshakes and unnecessary repeats of her brief, impersonal introduction, but nothing happens… or rather, nothing new happens as Elena and Stefan remain trapped together, two wild cats brought together by a common observer, left to understand their purpose.

In keeping with the role of a common observer, Bonnie nods to herself – one decisive nod – and then quietly slips away into the throng of festive adults, each immersed in some variation of some holiday tradition, none promising and each intriguing.

It is only when someone new pushes through the door to get in that Elena and Stefan break eye contact; Elena suddenly finds the ground endlessly fascinating… until a pale, masculine hand enters her vision.

"Hi, I'm Stefan." The voice sounds out of place and confused, and a little concerned, as if he might be thrown out any minute now. "I'm really sorry about Bonnie just dragging me along – it just happened. I – I could leave, if you'd like."

But his hand remains outstretched, a peace offering and an opportunity, and so she reaches out with a hand of her own and partakes in an old custom – anything to keep him from leaving before she can figure out this man with eyes like hers. The short skin-on-skin contact leaves her with an unexpected feeling of warmth, deep inside her, and she's taken by surprise because she hasn't felt warm for a long, long time.

"No, please, stay… if you don't mind. I'm sorry about Bonnie – that's just how she is. But it's Christmas Eve, and no one should be alone and –" Who is she kidding? Observing him for the very first time, she can see with painful clarity that Stefan Salvatore probably isn't some lone reject, but rather the very good-looking man who probably fights off girls like her all the time. It hurts, a little, and she's confused because she barely knows him and the thought of her not appealing to him shouldn't bother her.

"That is," She smiles slightly, flushed and feeling foolish, "if you don't have any other plans. I mean, Bonnie probably dragged you away from family, or friends, or –" She's rambling and he smiles, because he's done his fair share of rambling before, and it's adorable – the way she blushes.

"Bonnie is probably my only friend," He admits with a small smile as he realizes that it's the truth. "So, no, I don't have any plans and yes, I would love to stay, Elena." Her name is surprisingly easy to utter, as if he's been saying it all his life, and he can tell that he says it differently than anyone else because she stares at him when he does, and eventually holds out a hand – an invitation.

He takes it and walks in her threshold, and as snow falls behind them and the moon shines down on the most peaceful night he has ever seen, he holds on to her and it feels like a new beginning.

* * *

><p>She gets Stefan settled in, hands him off to Bonnie and goes back to playing the perfect hostess, just to distract herself and keep her distance because otherwise, she'd be all over him like a stalker girl, and Elena isn't a stalker girl, especially when it comes to a guy, even if said guy is incredibly hot and seems real and is charming, and might be the one person who could ever understand her, with his sad eyes and occasionally slumped shoulders, when he grows tired of acting and drops the façade for just a moment.<p>

Nope – she isn't going to stalk him. And so Elena knows that she must avoid Stefan Salvatore no matter what, because it's been six long years of keeping her thoughts to herself and the threat of someone actually sharing those thoughts with her is just too much. Somethings are meant to be locked away and never heard of, especially not on Christmas Eve.

So she smiles and whispers carols to herself and embraces friends she hasn't seen in a year. Caroline Forbes, her other best friend, arrives with flair as she always does and serves as a good distraction for the next half hour because Caroline demands all of your attention, no matter what, and so Elena gives her just that.

But even adorable, innocently self-absorbed Caroline has eyes and it isn't long before she catches sight of the one her friend has been trying to avoid all evening.

"Ooh, I spy fresh meat." She says bluntly, and though Elena scowls, they both know it's nothing because that's just Caroline and it's what Elena has learned to expect from the blonde.

"Stefan Salvatore." She pronounces the name carefully, and Caroline gives her a look, one that says _he's special_. She shrugs it off because she isn't ready to admit that to herself; Caroline always knows, though. "Bonnie dragged him in and then left him to me. He told me she's his only friend."

"And isn't that sad," Caroline muses. "It's Christmas, Elena. Go help a poor soul out and make a friend!" But the way Caroline says _friend _has the brunette observing her, suspicion clear in her eyes.

"Caroline Forbes wants me to be _just _friends with a cute guy? Unbelievable."

Caroline's eyes widen comically and she smirks, because of course Caroline would play up the innocent baby blues. But then she feels a foreign yet familiar presence just three steps behind her and her heart sinks because there is only one person who can make her feel that way, and it's the one stranger in this house – the very one she's been avoiding.

Traitor Caroline gathers herself, smiles and mouths _good luck _before strutting away, the very life of the party, leaving her alone with Stefan and a very dark blush on her cheeks.

"You think I'm cute?" He asks her, an unseen presence and a voice near her ear, and it's an honest question, not some cocky sentence, which makes him all the more endearing.

She uses every bit of self-control to _not _take a visibly deep breath and turns around to face him, quickly re-arranging her features, hoping that she looks bright and teasing and not at all affected by his presence.

"You think I was talking about you?" She retorts with a grin, just so that he knows she isn't being nasty.

"I don't know. Seems to me that I'm the only one here you aren't friends with." He sounds casual but his eyes flash with – something. She can't tell but she's bothered by the fact that it hurts him and also because she cares. Bad Elena, stupid Elena, naïve Elena. Why care when you won't let anyone in anymore?

"Aww, who says we're not buddies, Stef?"

His eyes flash again and she instantly regrets her words because this time, she can read him; clearly sees the disgust in his eyes as he flinches. She takes a step closer, then stills, leaving him some personal space.

"I'm _so _sorry, Stefan. That was inappropriate and out of line and –" She really feels horrible now – like really, really bad.

"It's alright," He cuts her off, trying to reassure her. "I – It's just that… my brother used to call me that."

And he's not around anymore, she's guessing. It explain the haunted eyes – she can't even imagine losing Jeremy, even though he's in a bad place now, does stupid things and won't talk to her. She wants to change the topic, start over, because her curiosity is rude – shouldn't she know better than to go about wondering about someone's personal problems? She should, because she can remember how it felt back then, when no one bothered to even conceal their probing gazes and questioning eyes. It felt like crap.

She doesn't know what to talk about, though, and so she politely averts her eyes; forces herself to stare at some trivial piece of holiday decoration someone had put up, not even processing the item in sight, just keeping herself occupied.

Stefan follows her uncomfortable gaze, knowing that she has a thousand questions and thankful that she's keeping them to herself. His eyes land on the tiny sprig attached to a doorway and he can't help the amused chuckle he lets out once he identifies the mischievious holiday plant.

Elena is drawn to his laughter and figures it's safe to peek now, since he's apparently in a lighter mood. She feels a blush creeping on, though, and can't shake the suspicion that he's laughing at her.

"What?" She questions defensively, with a hint of laughter in her one word. He studies her, tries to predict her reaction and can only see her blushing furiously once he answers her. He likes her blush, though – it's refreshing.

"Mistletoe." He says simply, nodding in the direction of the offensive sprig.

It takes all of three seconds for her to start blushing, and he finds himself pleased that he'd foreseen this.

"Oh."

Elena can feel the blood rush to her cheeks; it's ridiculous, the amount she's blushing tonight. She doesn't blush – not Elena Gilbert. Not when she was a fearless child, not when she was Queen Bee in high school, and certainly not after the tragedy, when she was left cold and felt, on some days, as if there was no more blood left in her to warm her and put her through another day.

But Stefan makes her blush, and smile, and feel like the 22-year-old she's supposed to be. And she likes to think that maybe, she does the same to him.

"Guess we'd better avoid that," He speaks up, and she mutely nods her agreement even though she'd rather like to drag him over and stand under the mistletoe with him.

A girl can dream… right?

* * *

><p>And so they talk.<p>

They talk, and he makes her laugh more than she has, collectively, in years. They talk, and he makes her see that sometimes, you don't have to act; someday, it will all be easier. They talk, and he makes her see that she wants that _someday _with him.

And she is terrified because Elena Gilbert is a loner – well, not really, but she is when it comes to matters like this. She has friends, but only once a week does she actually speak to them. She has family, but only checks up on them every month because what little she does have left, she cannot bear to lose. She has a life, but sometimes it doesn't seem that way. So to think of an easier future, and want someone in it with her, just to make that future worth living – it scares her. It scares her and simultaneously brings her back to life – real life, one for love and laughter, not just for show to placate her loved ones.

But some part of her seems equiped to deal with this – some dormant part that has been waiting for him all these years; waiting to deal with these emotions that he stirs up in her – and so she smiles when she should without forcing her lips to curl up, laughs when it's right without feeling like she's parting with the last of her happy thoughts and talks when it's her turn to without searching for an opportunity to escape.

So they talk, and laugh, and smile, and it feels like breathing in fresh air after merely surviving in the remnants of a fire for a lifetime. And that thing they say about how time flies when you're having fun – when you're _living _– must be true because they've only just started on embarrassing high-school moments when Bonnie and Caroline appear, each with their own knowing smile. And though it should irk her, because God knows they've had their fun trying to set her up, all she can manage is a genuine smile because for once, she isn't miserable.

"Everyone's leaving soon, so I thought we should do the gift exchange before the party – which we have been running; you're most welcome – ends." Caroline tries to resist a grin but her eyes give her away, as they always have.

Elena finds herself blushing again because smiling and laughing in front of Stefan, who is actually a stranger, and smiling and laughing in front of her very best friends who haven't seen her like this in years are two very different things. Stefan might have his suspicions that she isn't exactly bright and shiny, and Bonnie's little smirk and Caroline's cool smugness are probably a clear confirmation of the fact that Elena's been the quiet and dark girl for a long, long time.

It's amazing how comfortable you can feel with someone one minute, and then want to dissapear the next – the very instant they figure out your past. And he has – she can see it because his eyes are sad and haunted again now that he knows he doesn't have anything to hide from her, because she's just as broken as him.

So she collects herself, smiles and turns to her friends, leaving Stefan and her safe bubble and the promise of a future behind.

"Let's go play Santa."

* * *

><p>"Merry Christmas, Elena!"<p>

"Have a good one, 'Lena!"

"Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and have a good Easter with unicorns!"

"Look, y'all, it's Santa!"

"No, that's your big ass!"

Elena stands and smiles, and wishes everyone a good festive season, thanking them for gifts and laughing when they crack jokes. It is only when Tyler and Matt, the goofballs of their high school gang, crack jokes about Santa and each other, that she realizes just how different it is, laughing at their jokes and laughing with Stefan. One hurts and the other heals. One feels like a thief, invading her mind for the last remaining scraps of happiness to coax out, and the other feels like a warm caress, molding itself to cradle her heart.

Stefan.

Where is he?

She takes advantage of the sudden distraction Tyler and Matt are causing to look around for Stefan – she doesn't want him to leave, not just yet. But maybe it would be for the best. Honestly, what good will come out of this? He's not even from here, and she's gathered that by tomorrow he'll be gone on some personal mission that she knows nothing about, only that it will help him and maybe allow him to start moving on, the way she has started to, thanks to him. And she would never deny him that, so he'll leave, and she won't see him, and though she will always carry this with her, in time, he will forget her and so it won't even matter whether or not she bids him a proper goodbye.

And he's already gone, anyway.

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><p>It becomes a slow, tedious task to see everyone out after that, because she no longer has the promise of more light laughter and genuine smiles.<p>

The minute Bonnie and Caroline drive off, the last to leave, she shuts the door behind her and proceeds to start cleaning up, just to keep her hands, and hopefully, her mind, busy. And maybe it works too well because she almost jumps out of her skin when she spots him observing her.

"Stefan!" She gasps, resting a hand on her hummingbird heart. "Wha – what are you doing here?" She is pleasantly surprised, of course, but there's no need for him to know that just yet.

"I –" He moves closer, slightly hesitant. But something has been drawing him to Elena Gilbert since the very first moment and he isn't about to fight it now. "When your friends came to get you, I thought I'd just sit down and wait. I'm a last-minute guest, and there was no need to make things awkward with me standing in a corner, making everyone feel bad for the guy with no presents."

"That's really sweet," She smiles, though now she does feel bad about that. But he _was _a last-minute guest, as he'd put it, so she knows she shouldn't beat herself up over it. "Thank you."

"It's nothing," Stefan shrugs as his hands start occupying themselves, picking up used plates. "But I didn't know what to do and if you were coming back, so I just sat there. And then I realized, just a few minutes ago, that it'd become awfully quiet."

He's implying that he'd sat on his own for an hour without once moving, and though this should make her suspicious, she accepts it because she knows better than anyone how time can also fly when you are deep inside your own dark thoughts of loss and mortality.

"And now… I guess I should leave. I've really outstayed my welcome." Of course he hasn't, and so she tells him that, but he has to leave – it's for the best, even if he doesn't exactly phrase it that way. So she smiles and he talks and she leads him to the main door, and lingers against it before she opens it for him to walk out of her life.

"I had a great time tonight." She tells him honestly, and for once, doesn't worry about how he will interpret that because he gets her, in a way that no one else ever will. _It's all in the eyes_, her mother used to tell her, and Stefan's eyes tell her everything and then some.

"So did I," He smiles, slowly taking her hands into his own, giving her plenty of time to pull away – she doesn't. "Listen, Elena. I can't even remember the last time I could breathe without feeling like I was a bad person – like me being alive had caused someone's death. But tonight… tonight, I smiled and it felt real. And I know, maybe this sounds crazy. And I know it might seem crazy. But I see your eyes and I know everything's real. And –" That's when she blushes and turns her head away, and sees.

"And you're snowed in." She finishes flatly.

"Well, that's a new way of putting in, but yes, I do feel trapped, figuratively. In a good way, though." He'a confused and adorable and she can't feel the small giggle that comes out of her – something that takes her by surprise because she hasn't _giggled _since freshman year in high school, and for a grown man to make her squeal and laugh in delight and amusement… well, it just adds to the unbelievable miracle she knows as Stefan.

"That's really sweet," She manages once she's calmed down. "But… I meant literally, Stefan. We're literally snowed in."

"Oh."

And though it's a horrible idea, and stupid, because she barely knows him even though it feels like she has forever, the words are out of her mouth before she can even filter them.

"I've got a few spare rooms."

He appraises her, considers the offer very carefully. But then his eyes darken and his shoulder slump and she remembers that he probably has some big, important thing to do tomorrow.

"Thank you, Elena, but I really can't stay." He says slowly, reluctantly. She tries to lighten the mood because she doesn't like seeing her own pained eyes reflected in his.

"But baby, it's cold outside." She sings lightly, pulling him further into the house because despite what he's saying, there is no way he's leaving right now – not when she can't even open the front door.

"I really don't have a choice, do I?" He finally concedes, and it is so much easier to lead him to the living room after that.

"Nope." She sounds cheerful and can tell that her eyes are probably bright with anticipation, because she craves and needs the _life _that Stefan Salvatore gives her. And now here they are, stuck together with no means of escape.

It's a Christmas miracle.

"Welcome to the Gilbert mansion of Christmas, Christmas and holidays, Mr. Salvatore."

He smiles then and it is a beautiful promise of happy hours to come; one complete with the threat of the impending daybreak.

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><p><strong>There we have it, the first chapter of my Christmas Special. The title will make much more sense later on, somewhere in Chapter 2, so worry not, my fellow festive readers! Chapter title comes, of course, from the infamous <strong>_**Baby, It's Cold Outside**_**; my favorite version is the one by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan. Just in case you were wondering.**

**Don't forget to check out the five other Christmas Specials! So far, only two are up – this one and the Fringe one, but the Gossip Girl Christmas Special will be up tonight and the other three will follow in the next two days. And make sure you leave me some nice review-gifts! 'Tis the season to be nice and share… am I right? More info on all Christmas Specials can be found on my homepage.**

_**E Salvatore, **_

_**December 2011.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**The Nutcracker**

**Two : Let It Snow**

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><p>She wakes up in her bed, feeling oddly… naked.<p>

Nope, clothes are on, though minimal. But this feeling, it's not physical – Elena Gilbert thinks someone may have seen her soul and stripped it bare, taking away not only the sorrow and depression but everything good, too, leaving her with an unbearable emptiness.

Throwing back the covers, she swings her feet across the bed so that they touch the ground, and pads, barefoot, to her bathroom. She's being silly – nothing happened; she probably had a nightmare and so woke up particularly down.

But she can't shake this feeling – this feeling of loss that grows with every passing moment, as if she is supposed to orbit around something or someone and that someone – or possibly, something; she won't jump to conclusions just yet – is putting more and more distance between them.

Shaking her head at herself for her own silly thoughts, she notices – feels – a small smile playing on her lips. And it's a genuine smile, and the first time she's smiled to herself in years, and that magnifies the longing ten-fold.

She doesn't understand, not anymore, so she settles in front of the mirror positioned above the sink to study her reflection, hoping that she might gain some insight into this odd morning.

Bedhead, certainly. Her face looks soft and worn; creased. Her eyes are framed by dark bags, which shouldn't be, because she's had at least ten hours of sleep, but maybe she's still suffering the after-effects of her latest bout of insomnia.

She moves on and notices that her lips look particularly swollen, the way they used to after she made out with someone, back in high school. It's the only reasonable explanation but she instantly rejects it – no way.

But then her eyes trail down… and there, on her neck, is a hickey.

Her head is hurting and her heart is beating like a hummingbird's and she can hear the blood pounding in her ears.

Stefan.

Stefan gave her that hickey.

Stefan is the reason why she's only half dressed on a winter morning.

Stefan is-

No.

No no no no no.

Her feet hit the hardwood floor as she races to her room; there is no sign of a second occupant, and any traces he might have left behind are long gone, replaced by her own traces.

But Stefan was here; she can feel it. Stefan was with her. Maybe she could have made up the instant connection. Maybe she could have made up the invitation for him to stay the night after realizing that they'd been snowed in. And maybe she could have made up those memories of him holding her so very gently.

But there is no way she could have given herself that mark; she knows it like she knows her own name, and somedays, that is the only thing she is sure of in her life. So Stefan was most definitely here.

Admitting this to herself seems to be the key; memories flood her mind. Talking for hours about absolutely nothing simply because it feels good; sipping drinks for some reason – because the ggnog had been too good to pass up on?; leading him to his room, the one next to hers, and trying to say good night, only for it to be too hard; Stefan leaning in, closer and closer, until she can't take it anymore and throws her arms around his neck…

Oh, God.

She remembers it all now. That innocent kiss that had led to hundreds more. Stumbling into the hallway and then her room, both of them laughing because for once, they were in the here and now and it felt good. Letting him guide her in her own room until she fell back against the bed. And then – _oh_.

Remembering all of this means that she remembers the ending, too; the way he held her close and made her believe that it would all be okay, only to shatter everything when he had told her that he would have to leave, and why.

With a sinking feeling in her gut, Elena pulls herself out of her memories and slowly, cautiously makes her way to the tiny nightstand next to her bed.

A small token – the significance of which only they understand – and a letter in what must be his own hand confirm her worst nightmare.

Stefan is gone.

* * *

><p>"<em>It's getting late," He tells her, and she realizes, with a start, that it's way past midnight.<em>

"_I'm so sorry, Stefan. I've just been talking this whole time, and you were telling me stories, and I didn't know that it's-" She angles her head to get a closer look at the clock that hangs on the wall, "wow – 3 in the morning." She sets down her wine glass – because that's what she'd taken out after they'd finished the little bit of eggnog left – and pulls herself up, resisting the urge to stretch._

_Stefan stands up, too, and she remembers that he has no idea about where he is right now and how to get around the house. There's a spare bedroom next to hers which she should probably lead him to now; she hopes that he doesn't mind because it's the only room she can offer – the others are Jeremy's, her aunt Jenna's and… her parents' room, which no one stays in, ever._

_She leads him up the stairs and they keep talking, because both of them don't want to let go of this feeling – this normalcy – just yet. They reach his door and she points it out, standing a safe distance away from it, lest she be tempted to walk in and shut the door behind her. It's not like she's been thinking about doing that with Stefan all evening; it's just that the drinks have loosened her up a bit and that's bad because now she can really feel her growing attraction._

"_So… this is your room," She smiles. "Mine's right there, in case you need anything." And she does mean _anything_._

Damn it, Elena, control yourself! _She shouts internally while observing Stefan. If he's noticed the number of rooms and is curious, he's doing a great job of hiding it, and she's grateful. She doesn't feel like discussing her family just yet, even though she can see herself talking to him about it, in time. An unbidden thought makes its way to her mind and she chases it off._

_She can also see herself learning to love Stefan, in time._

_But she's being stupid; of course she is. There has been nothing all evening long; this _thing _she feels in the air is probably just nervousness and some awkwardness – they are basically strangers, after all, and here they are, having spent the entire evening caught up in each other. That's all – there's nothing else; no spark, no tension, no _want_ – it's all just in her head._

"_Thank you, Elena," Stefan smiles warmly, and she realizes that he's already stepped in and somehow she finds herself leaning against the doorway, observing him… like a total stalker girl._

"_So… I guess that's it." She says reluctantly – she doesn't want to say good night just yet, but she has to. Stefan's face grows serious as he crosses the room in three quick strides, coming to stand in front of her._

"_Thank you," He says again, and she knows now that he's thanking her for more than just a roof over his head for the night._

"_Thank _you_, Stefan," She says strongly. "I don't know what's going on, and what this means, but tonight, everything changed. You made me see that it _can _change."_

"_You made me see that sometimes, things get better." He tells her, and then's he moving in closer, their eyes locked together in a wordless form of communication. She doesn't want to walk away; he won't let her. He doesn't know what to do now; she's impatient._

_And so her arms rise of their own accord and pull him closer, wrapping around his neck just before their lips collide. And then he's kissing her, and it's almost easier than breathing. He instinctively moves in closer, pushing her up against the wall, and she lets out a low moan because she can feel him pressed up against her, and the warmth of it all is reassuring. She hasn't had this much human contact for so long._

_Eventually they break apart for air, but apparently not before she hitches one leg around him, letting him support her spineless form. He pulls back to look at her, matching smiles on their faces._

_"That was…"_

"_Something else," She helpfully supplies, and he nods in agreement because there are no words for this. Slowly, she feels her strength and balance coming back to her, and so she lowers her leg and stands up, lightly pushing against him because he has her pinned up against the wall and she's stuck. He obliges, a curious look on his face, as if he doesn't know whether to be ecstatic or panicked at the thought of her leaving._

_She turns to leave and then holds out a hand for him, and he can breathe again. He takes Elena's small hand, feels it reassuringly grasp his and smiles as she leads him to her own room. Somewhere along the lines, he can't resist because he's been resisting all night, and pulls her closer, thinking it will be just one innocent kiss._

_Elena doesn't let him go; kisses him agressively and softly at the same time, backing him into a wall. They pull away and she starts laughing, because she feels so light, and then he starts laughing too, not just because her laughter is infectious but also because he knows exactly what she's thinking, feeling._

_Their laughter dies out when she pushes open the door to her room, and he holds her by her waist, searching her eyes. "Elena, we don't have to do this. I just need to know that you'll let me in, someday." And really, he's being honest. He just needs to know that someday, hopefully soon, she will let him into her life and ask him to be a part of it. Tonight seems like a promising start and that is enough._

_Elena returns his observative glance; bites on her lower lip. And then she pulls him in, her eyes bright in the dark. "I want this," She stresses, and he believes her because so does he._

"_So do I."_

_And so, for once after so long, they both do want they want to do, not what grief and sorrow and anger and hatred dictates they should._

_And live again._

* * *

><p><em>It's late, much, much later than it was earlier -<em> before -,_ but she can't bring herself to surrender her consciousness over to sleep because she still thinks this might all be a dream, and if she were to wake up now without Stefan, she doesn't think she would ever be the same again._

_He holds her close because they both need reassurance, not because they don't trust the other but because life has taught them that nothing is as it seems, and in the blink of an eye, everything can take a turn for the worse._

_When she feels sleep clutching at the loose strands of her mind, beckoning her, she moves in closer and starts a conversation in hushed whispers, because she doesn't want to burst this little bubble they're in._

"_You're leaving soon," She sighs, and even though it won't be for another few hours, she can already feel a small tear inside her, one that will surely morph into a painful hole once he's gone. His hand, the one resting on her back, moves up and draws soothing patterns on her arm, not saying anything because there isn't anything to say._

_It takes him a while to speak up, but eventually he does because she deserves to know – she's already broken the silence once, earlier, to confide in him about her parents._

"_When I was four, my parents died." He talks softly but surely, and quickly, not because he doesn't want her to hear this but because it's the only way he can bear to. "My mother had always been weak and having me had been the last straw." His eyes shut tightly, because even after all this time, he still hates himself – a self-loathing bred by his own brother, who had reminded him every day that he had been responsible for their loss._

"_It took her four years to slowly fade away, and the day she did, my father changed - was never the same." His eyes try to close tighter, to block out the tears that prick at his eyes. "He killed himself two days after her funeral."_

_She reaches up and traces his eyelids before rising up to make him look at her. "Open your eyes, Stefan," She asks gently and he does, because he can't deny her anything. "Look at me," He tries, but the acceptance in her eyes is too much; no one has ever looked at him like that – without resentment. "Hey, look at me!" She commands a little more forcefully._

"_This is not your fault. Nothing is your fault." And then her voice drops into a soft whisper as she frames his face with one hand. "And it's okay to cry." So he lets one tear slide out, and she rests her head against his shoulder, holding him tight, murmuring hushed reassurances._

_It feels like a lifetime later, but he does speak, after it all. She has to know why he can't be with her, even though he wants it more than life itself._

"_My brother, Damon – he hated me for everything, but he raised me in foster care. He took care of me and made sure that nothing ever happened; that we weren't separated. But he hated me, more than anything, and he taught me to hate myself."_

"_And then, when he turned eighteen, he just left. I was lost – I still had two more years left in the system until I could take off. But then some unknown relative showed up and took me in. It took me a while but eventually I figured out that Damon had tracked my aunt down to make sure that I was taken care of. Even after he couldn't bear to look at me anymore, he made sure I would be okay."_

"_I never heard from him again, and it's been six years. But last week, Bonnie, – she knew Damon, once upon a time – she called me. She said she'd heard from him, from London. My brother is in a foreign land, drinking himself to death, Elena. And after all that he's done for me, I can't _not _save him. Not this time."_

_And it is then that she understands because family is everything, especially to those who have lost so much. And she knows that she can't stop him – won't, because she would want him to let her go, too, if it were for Jeremy's sake._

"_But I _will _come back," He vows, and she falls asleep to the sound of him promising her the world._

* * *

><p>She's never seen it before, but she recognizes the miniature nutcracker the moment she sets eyes on it.<p>

The nutcracker his mother had made for him; the only token he has left to prove that he once had a famiy; had _belonged_ a long time ago.

And here it is, with her.

Elena gently handles the nutcracker, keeps it in her safe spot, along with the letter. And then she goes about her life while she waits for him to return, because that is what Stefan asked of her.

She knows she will wait for as long as it might take, because Stefan is a part of her now.

Outside, it snows and snows for days, and Elena thinks maybe she has something to do with it, because her heart is too cold for tears and just cold enough for freezing isolation.

* * *

><p><em>My dearest Elena,<em>

_A part of me can't bear to leave – a large part. But you and I both know this is inevitable; my brother is family, and somehow I know you understand that better than anyone else. But then again, you understand everything about me better than anyone else. I will forever be indebted to Bonnie for dragging me along last night, because I met you. _

_And you have brought me back to life, Elena. Before this, I was merely existing – surviving on stolen breaths and self-loathing, alive only because I was indifferent - didn't care about my survival enough for it to matter. But then you came – or rather, I arrived and met you – and nothing was the same; nothing will ever be the same._

_I have to go, but I know you will carry me with you – and I know you will wait, because that is what I have to believe if I am to walk out of this door today. But I'm not entirely gone, Elena – a selfish part of me is too insecure to leave you completely._

_You and I both know the significance of the nutcracker – it is proof that I mattered once. Now it is proof that we matter –that I will be back, not just for the nutcracker and all that it represents, but for _us_. The nutcracker is proof of a past, a family and love lost, but now I leave it with you as a promise of love found. Love found because... I have found love, in you; in your eyes, I am whole. It is more than I ever dreamed of._

_I love you, Elena. A part of me always has, even before you existed, because you have always been a part of me._

_I love you and I will be back, if only just to hear you say it back to me; if only just to see you smile again._

_-Stefan._

* * *

><p><strong>I am <strong>_**so **_**sorry for the late update, everyone! This should have gone up yesterday but there was a slight issue… in other words, I went crazy, got insecure and tweaked everything. I hope it was worth the wait. The final chapter should be up later today!**

**Thank you all so very much for the wonderful support – it's great to be back in the fandom after **_**Baby Sister**_**. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter – maybe they moved too fast? Maybe it was hurried and unrealistic? Ah, but it is the holidays, and there was eggnog, and I am a hopeless romantic. Don't forget to check out the rest of my Christmas Specials – all six will be completed by the end of today.**

_**E Salvatore,**_

_**December 2011.**_


	3. Chapter 3

**The Nutcracker**

**Three : I'll Be Home For Christmas**

* * *

><p>Months pass – actual months and months that stretch and seem to go on forever. For Elena, time ceases to matter and days bleed together, a constant loop of words on pages and blinking screens as she writes her own happy ending to forget her empty life without Stefan.<p>

Caroline and Bonnie don't know what to think, how to feel – not right now, when Elena is better and worse and happier and sadder. They watch their friend blossom and wither, and stand by her because they can't do anything else.

More days pass and Elena starts to hole up, lost in a world of her own. Stefan would have wanted her to live; wouldn't have wanted to see her like this – but Stefan would also understand that this is what she needs right now, the same way he needs to put his family together.

So she writes, and writes, and everything blurs together, fiction and real life, dreams and wishful words. She grows lighter each day and it's almost as if those words can fill up that hole in her, however temporarily.

But then it's Christmas, and it's been a year.

She will wait forever, but she had hoped she wouldn't have to. She hopes he'll hurry back – come home to her for Christmas.

* * *

><p>She throws her Christmas party, because it's not hers – it's for her parents, and the memory of her parents pulls her out of this… limbo and gets her back into the game, if only just for the night.<p>

Bonnie shows up half an hour later, and she can't help her wondering eyes; her heart sinks when it becomes clear that Bonnie's alone – all alone. Bonnie smiles, but it looks wrong – sad.

"I'm so sorry, 'Lena," She sighs, drawing her friend into a comforting hug. Elena smiles bravely as she pulls back, and tucks her hair behind her ear.

"It's alright, Bonnie. Come on in," She ushers a few more friends in before casting a longing look at the bright snow.

It takes everything in her to pretend – to lie her way through the entire evening, for the sake of her concerned friends. But no one misses the way her eyes are drawn to the main door every few minutes, and the way she lingers at the open door just a little too long each time she opens it to let someone in.

Caroline observes her friend with a concerned look all night, only smiling once when Bonnie appears at her side. Together they stand watching their closest friend, and pray for a Christmas miracle.

* * *

><p>One year – it's been one whole year now since that first Christmas, and yet it feels as if she's been stuck in limbo, drifting in nothing, forever. Nothing makes sense anymore – nothing stands out enough to make sense. There are basic actions, things she does out of habit – eat, breathe, sleep, write your own happy ending and live it because it's the only way you can cope – but she's not living, not really. This is no life – there will be no life in her existence until he returns.<p>

She refuses to acknowledge that it has now become a matter of _if _he returns, despite what her friends say. They ask her to move on, but how can she persevere with only half of her heart left? They stop asking after that, because her little emotional bout of insanity had been enough to scare off even the most dedicated, eager gossip women around.

So Elena waits for him to come back; knows deep within her that he will, one way or another. She knows what some of the others are saying – that he'd used her for one night and then tossed her, because she wasn't enough, too broken into tiny little fragments – but she knows better than that.

She doesn't doubt Stefan – never has, and won't start now. Besides, what do those women know? Not even of the nutcracker, that's for sure.

The nutcracker – it keeps her sane and reassures her on the rare occasions that she does need all those extra safety blankets. When Stefan left his only heirloom of sorts behind, he left a piece of himself for her to safeguard, and Elena is determined to do one hell of a job. She will live and go through the motions of everything, but keep herself suspended in time because even she – a very small, very dark and very quiet part of her – knows that they won't be the same people when he comes back, but she wants to hang on that one night night – that almost-telepathic connection – for just a little bit more. For just for a little while longer, she wants to believe that he could be back any minute now and nothing would have to change.

But what Elena can't see – doesn't see anymore because she's weathered so many storms – is that sometimes change can be good.

* * *

><p>Everyone thinks Stefan is here and that hurts – it hurts every single time she has to smile and tell them otherwise, it hurts when they get all shocked because <em>'you two had such a connection<em>!' and it hurts when they look at her with different eyes when she says they still do, she's just waiting for him to get back.

Everything about his absence hurts now, even the parts he couldn't possibly have foreseen. It's been a year – even he would have stopped thinking of possible consequences at this point. But where is he? Where is Stefan? When he said he would have to leave for London, she had thought he was talking about a month, maybe six weeks. But this? This is across the world and further away than ever, somewhere no one will ever find him.

But maybe this time, she will. After all, who says she can't go find him? Who says she has to play the damsel in distress, looking longingly outside her window, waiting for her prince? Who says things have to be the way they are?

So she books a flight, and miraculously, she gets one because no one flies in the dead of the night. She packs in a mad frenzy while Caroline and Bonnie handle the party, and asks them to please lock up for her. Before she leaves, they hold her tight and shower her with words of encouragement, and then she is off.

It feels good, this whole taking action thing – much better than sitting around. As she drives, she can feel the adrenaline coursing through her, giddy with the thought that soon, she will see him again. And she will. She will track him down and take what is rightfully hers.

After all, he's stolen her heart.

* * *

><p>She arrives in a foreign city, in a foreign land in the morning, intent on finding her home – because that's what Stefan is to her, she realizes now. A home. A safe haven. A future.<p>

There is no time for a hotel – she holds onto her small bag with just two changes of clothes and heads straight for some familiar names that Bonnie had given her, along with a picture of the two brothers to identify Damon Salvatore, the one she's never met – the one who made Stefan hate himself all his life and then walk away to save his brother when he'd finally found someone who accepted him and loved him.

She should have told him – should have said those words instead of reasoning it away, saying it was too soon, too much, too fast, too vulnerable, too naïve and a million other things. She should have said it.

Bonnie's small bits of information leads her to pubs, pubs and more pubs, each one of them a dead end. That's when she really starts working on her own, heading into every single establishment she passes by, picture in hand, mind composed. Inside, a little piece of her dies a little more each time she checks a street of her map – each time her chances of finding him diminish.

She searches all day long – for more than 12 hours, Elena Gilbert goes around the world, looking for a man no one has ever seen. When night falls and everything starts closing, she finds herself near the airport once more and decides to head in to one of the cafes and regroup first – think of what she's going to do next. She won't leave, not without Stefan, not after all of this madness.

She heads for a café that looks promising, with big, overstuffed chairs and sinks into one of them once she has a drink in hand. Staring blankly at the strangers, Elena sips at her warm coffee. Her heart clenches every time she sees a couple reunited, because that should have been her, yesterday.

She hadn't realized it but she does now – a part of her had really been expecting Stefan to come back yesterday, at the party. A small part of her, one that couldn't bear the thought of him not coming, had consoled herself with this hope, only to have it ruined.

She's no china doll, but Elena doesn't know how many more times she can take being _broken_.

* * *

><p>Lost in a sea of nameless faces, Elena sits there for hours until her eyes, body, mind and heart can't take anymore of this. What she needs is a good night's rest in a nice bed, and then she'll be good as new, not this bitter person she has become after five hours of watching happy people.<p>

She finishes her fourth drink of the night, wondering if she'll ever get to sleep. Regardless, she picks up her bag and gets on her feet, feeling an insane need to stretch.

She's about to stretch her back, just a little bit, when she feels it – that presence, that charge that only one person gives off; the burn of _his _eyes following her.

Now she's done it – gone and snapped, driven to desperate insanity and hallucinations. What do they put in British coffee, anyway? Maybe she just needs some food in her system – twenty hours is too long for anyone.

Pleased with her reasoning, she nods and prepares herself to turn around, knowing that the minute she does, this will all be gone and she will be faced with strangers.

But then he calls her name in that way only he does – in that way only he can - and her heart skips a beat, and her breath catches, and her knees go weak.

"Elena."

Slowly, ever so slowly, she turns around, not trusting herself and her over-worked senses. She can't get her hopes up, can't trust in this, can't risk breaking her heart again. But who is she kidding? She's known it's him the minute she felt him. And as she turns around and faces him, she knows she was right – this is really, truly him and this is really, truly happening.

"Stefan," She breathes, taking him in. Tired – tired and exhausted and… sadder, a little more worn. But happy and pleased and for the first time in a year, whole again. He's holding a bag – or at least, he was. It falls onto the floor, forgotten as she jumps into his arms, but it reassures her, comforts her – tells her that he had been on his way back to her.

And that's all that really matters for now – Stefan is here, with her; Stefan has always wanted to be with her, even when he couldn't. Maybe something had gone wrong; maybe things are still wrong. But he's here, and she's here, and they're together, as they always will be from now on.

And it's home, and a warm Christmas with a loved one, and everything she could have asked for. And as he holds her close, drawing comfort and love from her presence, he grips her tighter and murmurs in her ears three words that are easier than the other three they should say. But these three words give her hope, let her know that they have time – forever – to say those other three words.

"Merry Christmas, Elena."

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>~ MERRY CHRISTMAS! ~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>And there we have it: <strong>_**The Nutcracker**_**, a Stelena holiday romance. Thank you all so very much for your wonderful support and I hope to hear more from you guys – I love the TVD fandom people! I'll see you guys next year. In the meantime, don't forget to check out the other Christmas Specials!**

**I'm sorry about the major mess-up when I posted the wrong chapter earlier. I'd been in a hurry to wrap things up and enjoying being with my family for the holidays, and just noticed the huge mistake I'd made. Sorry, everyone!**

**Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year's!**

_**E Salvatore,**_

_**December 2011.**_


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